Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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