they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize