so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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