Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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