He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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