my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
as a side note pls kill me
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