god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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