stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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