there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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