You're my little dorito
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
