does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
