Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
someone owes me an orgasm
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
