You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
