Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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