Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
