oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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