Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
