the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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