i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
