Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
