Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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