I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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