Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
