i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm at about main and main street
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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