Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
