I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
