well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
