just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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