im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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