Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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