Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
