Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
