Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
