You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
