His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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