1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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