Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
