It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
