i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize