I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize