Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
