I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Randomize
