I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
