i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
