You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
