I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize