lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
