By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
