STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
