I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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