I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
wow bdsm is so cute
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
