She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
