My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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