What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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