Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
