I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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