she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize