I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
