omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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