so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
