We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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