So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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