yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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