I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
