shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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