I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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