Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
