well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
