i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
