she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
