just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
