we made out on top of his cat.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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