end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
