she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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