Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
