I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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