thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
