I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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