I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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