I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm at about main and main street
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The Olympian is in my bed
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
