the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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