I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
