I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
