The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
