I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
