dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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