I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
