SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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