I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
