Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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