i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
