So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
