She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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