I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize