I accidentally had phone sex last night
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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