I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
