Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
