Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
