dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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