Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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