omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My vagina is officially offended.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
