oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
