have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
NoShamevember. You game?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
