so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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