You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
