just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
