Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
