her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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